So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
