today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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