My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize