i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize