you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
