Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
