Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
