Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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