She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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