tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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