so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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