His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's rum buckets o'clock
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
