Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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