A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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