theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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