After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
