he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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