I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
