I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
