..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
only if we run a train.
done.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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