After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
