so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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