He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
BRING THE BAGELS
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
