Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize