I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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