Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
