Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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