how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are my feet made of real feet?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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