You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
