a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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