Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
