I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
