the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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