So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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