there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hippo gnu deer
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
