he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
