her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
