Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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