i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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