we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
