One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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