all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
