also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
