quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
