Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They took my balls.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
