This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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