I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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