y did u give ur computer a hand job?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
