did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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