I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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