If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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