My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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