anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
