The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
