well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
