sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
