So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
