I didn't shave. On purpose
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
