I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
