i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
