HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
