Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
