weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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