When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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