Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
