I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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