hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
