I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
