Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
