You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
