Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think your dad took our porno
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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